I tried this once and the toaster got caught on fire…. Lol
I don’t know why I ever left tumblr…this place was my sanctuary!
I left almost two years ago…. Last I posted I had just found out that I was pregnant.
My life changed dramatically. I went through a lot of hardships, hard decisions, heart break and complete darkness.
My mother lost her job, I was put on bed rest, and my now husband was unable to maintain a job or a healthy place for the baby and I to live in. I left him after months of immaturity and lack of commitment. So there I was a single mother, the one thing I was the most afraid of. Not being able to give my child a family killed me. On top of that, I was on bed rest, unable to work and unable to feel independent. My mother lost her job shortly after and unable to find another due to her agw she decided to move back to Mexico, she wanted me to do exactly what she did when she had me. She wanted me to repeat the story. But the thought of my own child going through all the pain that I went through as a kid was unimaginable. How could I ever do that to the reason of my existence?
To top it all of Julion wasn’t waking up…. It was so easy for him to sit back and watch all of that. He wanted someone else. He didn’t care. I was torn… I had nothing and no one in the US…but going back to Mexico wasn’t an option either. At least in Mexico I would have my family, the baby and i would be well taken care of…no rent, no bills, and when I could go to work I would have plenty of babysitters. But how could I take this child away from her father? It’s not like he didnt want her, he just didn’t want me.
Finally after months of stress, my body couldn’t do it anymore. I went into preterm labor at 30 weekz which is really serious. She wasn’t fully developed and the chances of her surviving were very little. My mom had just left to Mexico to take a few of her things there , and i was completely alone.
The only one there was God, so I prayed and it led me to Julion. He came with me to the hospital. I was dialating and had constant contractions….the nurses were able to stop them, thank God! Laying on that bed praying for my daughters life made me find the light. Jesus Christ. It was only through him that I was able to make it, he made it possible for the nurses to stop the labor, he returned my peace. Suddenly I knew that everything was going to be okay. My faith waz restored.
One of the days that i waa in the hospital Julion took a bathroom break and he was in there for a while. He came out with tears in his eyes and kept apologizing for his behavior. He got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife.
We got married 4 days before our baby was born. We finally had it all. He was changed. I could feel it. He took care of me on those last days of pregnancy. He dropped his past lifestyle and changed into a mature, Christ minded man.
Audree Penelope Collins was born on August 14th 2012 at 5:39 am after 20 hours of labor exactly one week before her due date, she waited the right amount of time and came out perfect! 7lbs 5oz 14 inches long
It was a natural birth, and even though I got and epidural it fell out so I ended up feeling everything.
And suddenly I had this tiny human being, that depended on me for everything. She was so tiny, so fragile. I was so in love. It was love at first sight. I was scared, so scared. I had no idea on how to take care of a baby, plus it doesn’t help that you love that child so much and you dont want to make any mistakes because you could never forgive yourself if something were to happen. Oh boy! Motherhood is no joke. But its like an instinct, you know exactly what to do, even if you don’t think that you do.
So here we are. A year after. God has blessed us with so much. Everything we have is ours. Our car our apartment everything in it. We have health. Happiness. Love. Overall we have each other and we have God. Hard times may come and go but as long as we have each other and God, we can make it through anything. The Collins family. My family. All is well.